


私の一番好きな音色

by Doctorbsmith



Category: Original Work
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-17 05:47:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29588130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Doctorbsmith/pseuds/Doctorbsmith
Summary: I don't know to be honest





	私の一番好きな音色

Friends, huh.  
When reading manga and watching dramas, they make it seem like making friends is super easy.  
If that were the case I’d probably be overflowing with friends despite my personality.  
Not that I’d even like to imagine what overflowing with friends is like, I would just like to find someone in the world that honestly enjoys spending time with me.  
I looked down at my uniform as I walked to school.  
It was my first time wearing one of these, in my previous school we wore blazers so wearing a sailor uniform is a refreshing change.  
Not to mention the fact that it’s quite cute.  
However not even looking at the uniform could rid me of the nervousness I was feeling.  
I needed to make friends, the stares I got back in middle school from other people as I walked down the hallways or during break was definitely not something I missed.  
Before I noticed, despite my purposely slow pace, I was standing in front of the school.  
I stared at it for a while, as if to get myself ready to walk past the gates and truly become a high school student.  
Just as I was gathering my resolve for this seemingly meaningless task, I heard it.  
It was the most beautiful sound I’d ever heard.  
As if in a trance I walked to where the sound originated, completely ignoring everything else around me.  
Since I’d gotten here way too early, there was no one else around.  
Just me… and her, the source of the sound.  
The cramped music room gave the sound a more intimate feeling, as if it was being played entirely for my sake.  
I walked closer, and was enveloped by extreme feelings of sorrow, but in a way it was the purest, and most beautiful feeling I’d been exposed to in a very long time.  
The music stopped, and I finally got to see the face of the owner of the feelings that were overwhelming me.  
The piano that had been covering her, was no longer separating us.  
If you were to ask anyone else in the world what she looked like, they’d probably tell you that wasn’t anything special, but I don’t think I’d seen such a gorgeous human being in my life.  
Her hand reached towards my face, and for the first time in my life I didn’t recoil from the act.  
It was only then that I realized I’d been crying since the moment that I’d entered the room, maybe since the moment I heard her music.  
She showed me the most radiant smile I’d ever seen, leaving me at a loss for words.  
She didn’t say anything either, not for the first ten minutes... we were standing next to each other, just feeling everything we had to.  
She then broke the silence in a way different from what I was expecting.  
“You know, you’re the first person I’ve met other than me that comes to school this early. Do you have to turn something in for your transfer?”  
I couldn’t help but laugh.  
“That’s what you’re asking me? Some weirdo walks into the room crying, and says nothing to you for ten minutes, and you ask why I’m at school so early?”  
She smiled, blinding me because of the close range.  
“Well, after what happened, we’re already best friends. It’s normal to be curious about why your friend comes to school an hour before the required time.”  
Her words were the most unexpected thing out of everything.  
Friends?  
With me?  
Why would she willingly accept something like that?  
Well, I guess she doesn’t really know me yet.  
I produced the best smile I could muster, as if to try and hide from someone I’d just met my impossibly low self-esteem.  
“I just don’t like being late.”  
I guess that was as convincing as I expected, ‘cause she just shrugged it off with a ‘huuuh’  
“What about you? Do you always come an hour early in case a girl happens to come cry next to you?”  
She laughed.  
She had a very pretty laugh, it was the kind that makes you want to hold them tight so that their smile doesn’t go anywhere.  
“Surprisingly enough, this is the first time I’ve ever experienced this. Weird right, it being such a common occurrence.”  
Watching her go along with my ridiculous joke as if it was natural put me at ease in a way I don’t think I’ve ever felt before.  
“Hana”.  
“What?”  
“My name, call me Hana. We’re best friends now, right?”  
She smiled, making the blushing in my ears intensify.  
“I’m Aki, let’s get along Hana!”  
We stayed together, as if we’d been sown together, the whole time until the sound of other students coming to school started filling the air.  
We walked downstairs to where the class assignments I hadn’t bothered to check were pasted.  
Mochizuki Hana, Class 3.  
I instinctively turned around to walk to class by myself, but found my eyesight filled with the ribbon on someone else’s uniform.  
When my glasses cleared up from the steam my breath produced I saw who the chest’s owner was.  
It was Aki.  
I hadn’t noticed she was taller than me.  
The difference between us was like five centimeters.  
I looked up at her face, and her beautiful smile was waiting there to greet me.  
“Hana! We’re in the same class! Look!”  
I turned around again to look at the roster a second time, and saw her name written for the first time.  
“Hayasaka Aki”  
I noticed I had said it out loud only after I saw Aki’s face move closer.  
“Yeah?”  
I blushed.  
Why?  
I guess I’m just not used to other people getting so close to me without any other intention.  
I shook my head.  
“No, it’s just the first time I’ve seen how your name is written.”  
She turned to look at the chart and then back at me.  
“You know Hana, you have a very cute name, it’s very fitting to such a pretty girl.”  
She said that with a completely straight face, without indication that it was a joke.  
My ears, which were very prone to bushing, were burning red.  
“Please don’t tease me, I know I’m not.”  
She stayed silent.  
I was thankful that she didn’t follow that with the very familiar ‘yeah, you’re weird and dark, not cute at all’ comment that followed me all throughout middle school.  
The bell rang, and Aki walked behind me to the classroom.  
As I stood before the door, I felt the ever familiar dread sitting on my chest.  
What if everyone in there is mean to me, or spread rumours about me?  
What if there’s someone from middle school, and tells everyone around that I’m dark, so they shouldn’t hang out with me?  
I felt a comforting weight on my shoulder, followed by a very kind and soft voice.  
“Don’t worry, I can open it for you.”  
Aki had noticed my thoughts.  
I nodded quietly and stood behind Aki as I let her open the door.  
She made the task seem so easy, as if there was nothing to be afraid of behind that door.  
I looked at the board where the sitting chart was written, and noticed that my seat wasn’t anywhere close to Aki’s, being in opposite ends of the class.  
I guess I’ll be alone during class.  
She looked, and quietly walked to her seat.  
I guess it would be weird if she had said ‘see you later’, since we’re still in the same class. Still, it felt like she was abandoning me.

Unsurprisingly the school day went by without incident.  
The only noteworthy thing to me was that some girls around Aki took her out of the classroom for lunch so I was left by myself.  
I started gathering my things, since I had no intention of looking at any clubs.  
Since I remembered that I had filled my previous notebook I decided to walk to the store to buy a new one on the way home.  
As I got to the shoe lockers I was brought back from my thoughts by the sound of my name.  
“Mochizuki-san, Moriyama-sensei was looking for you, you should head to the staff room.”  
The nameless person, who I’m pretty sure I’d never met before, walked away before I had the chance to even reply to his comment.  
I guess even nice people wouldn’t want to stay next to me for very long.  
I walked slowly to the faculty office and practiced what I assumed would be the conversation I would be having, with this teacher who I could only assume would be my homeroom teacher.  
I don’t really tend to remember names or faces of people unless I really care to.  
‘Yes, I promise to do my best to fit into the environment of the class. No, I will not disrupt the order of the class. No, it will not affect my academic results.’  
I didn’t even think for a moment it was a little early for me to be getting these talks, despite it being my first day here, I guess teachers are just like that.  
As I walked into the room, I saw Aki standing in front of some old teacher, talking.  
As soon as she saw me, she pointed at me, and said something I didn’t really understand.  
I just looked around the room, hoping to find this Moriyama-sensei that had asked to see me.  
The old man, then suddenly stood up, and called my name.  
“Ah, Mochizuki-san, you’re here. I was just talking to Hayasaka-san and she mentioned that you might be willing to join the music club.”  
The development was way too quick for me to keep up with, so I just stood there sient whilst I processed what was happening in front of me.  
“Mochizuki-san?”  
The teacher, who I suppose was revealed to be Moriyama, looked at me concerned.  
“Professor, do you think I could talk to Mochizuki-san for a moment?”  
Aki grabbed his attention as she half carried me out of the room.  
Once we were in the hallway Aki lowered her head.  
“Hana, please join the music, club!”  
It seems this girl has a master’s degree in catching me off guard.  
There were many questions flowing through my head, but the most important was  
“Why?”  
Aki lifted her head, and had a very ‘Oh yeah, I have to explain that’ face.  
“Well, you see, there aren’t any new members, and all the people that used to be in the club graduated this year, so if no one joins they will have to close the club down.”  
I remembered Aki’s song from this morning.  
I wonder if I’d be able to listen to things like that if I joined the club.  
“Hana, you like music, right?”  
When she sprang that question on me, I couldn’t reply with anything other than a tilt of my head in confusion.  
“Well, you ran that hard to the music room this morning, you must like it a lot.”  
I gripped my bag tightly.  
A knot in my throat.  
“Well… yeah... I like it, but I don’t play.”  
She shook her head.  
“No it’s okay, you don’t have to. As long as you show up to the clubroom it’s fine.”  
I guess that my best chance of ever hearing her piano again would be to join the club.  
It would cut the time I had to write, but I guess it cancelled out.  
I nodded.  
Aki’s face was beaming, as if she had just been told that she got first price at a national competition.  
“Thank you Hana!!!!”  
She wrapped her arms around me and lifted me off the ground.  
She smells really good.  
I realized a little too late that I had gotten absorbed and the hug was over.  
“Hana?”  
Aki looked at me confused as to why I’d just stayed in place frozen.  
I’m not used to getting hugged at all.  
I guess it’s not so bad.  
“Oh, sorry, it’s nothing. Tell the professor that I’ll join the club, but I have something to do today, so I can’t go.”  
Aki smiled and nodded at me.  
“See you tomorrow!”  
That was a nice line to hear.  
“Yeah! See you!”  
I made a friend.  
A real friend.  
I walked the path to the music store in Shibuya, the only one I knew that sold the notebooks I liked to write on, with the compasses already pre drawn on every page.  
Using other ones lead to very uncommonly sized systems when compared to other ones.  
As I opened the door to the store I heard a very familiar voice.  
“Oh, Mochizuki-chan! I was just thinking it was about time you came!”  
The friendly man, Kuriyama Shinya, had been in charge of the register since I first started composing, so he was already somewhat familiar with the amount of time it took me to fill out one of the composing notebooks.  
I reached out and took the notebook he was handing to me from over the counter, and gave him the usual 300 yen in exchange.  
“Thank you as always Kuriyama-san.”  
I bowed my head and made my way out of the store.  
I liked how he never asked me anything, or expected conversation from me.  
Even when I would go to his store for hours at the time since I didn’t want to be at home, and needed somewhere to write, he would never ask me what was going on.  
That store was the only safe haven on this planet until the moment I managed to get an apartment for myself.  
On the way home I stopped by the same bending machine I had been visiting on my way back from the store, since it was luckily still on my way.  
As I walked I reconted today's events in my head.  
I can’t believe that I actually cried in front of a stranger.  
I guess it’s even more unbelievable that she not only wanted to be my friend even after that, or that she invited me to join a club with her, even if it was a last resort.  
I went up the stairs to my apartment and opened the door.  
The ever familiar, and strangely comforting silence was there to welcome me.  
Today’s encounter with Aki had left my head vibrating with music all day long.  
If my notebook hadn’t been already full, I would’ve probably not been able to contain myself, and would have started writing on the spot.  
I started writing, and it felt like I was sucked into an infinite hole that took all my time away, because the moment I looked up from the paper, it was very dark outside.  
I guess I forgot to eat dinner.  
I checked my watch to see if I should just give up and brush my teeth instead.  
4:30 am  
I guess it was a lot longer than expected.  
I changed out of my uniform, and headed to the bathroom.  
The drowsiness was starting to catch up to me, so a bath is definitely out of the question.  
I walked in a dazed state to the shower and set it to the coldest possible setting.  
As soon as the water started flowing, I forgot what the word sleepy even meant.  
I showered with unprecedented speed, my only wish being to get out of that infernaly cold water.  
I turned off the shower and started to walk over to where my clothes were.  
The effect of the shower was, however, short lived, and on the way I started to feel really weird.  
It’s been a really long time since I’ve spent so long writing without eating or sleeping.  
Suddenly everything went dark.  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
“Music? Please don’t kid yourself! If you want to do anything in life you have to make money! Music is nothing more than a hole where people go to throw away their talent! Look where it got him!”  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
I sensed a very sweet smell.  
It smelled like lemon, and some weird material I couldn’t really name.  
It smells really nice.  
I hugged what I assumed to be my pillow, and turned a little bit to the left.  
When I opened my eyes all I could see was a white mass of cloth.  
I couldn’t figure out what it was so I smelled a little bit more, from a closer distance.  
I know this smell.  
Where do I know it from?  
Did I buy some sort of new detergent, and forget?  
As I was trying to figure it out, my pillow suddenly started laughing.  
“Do I smell funny?”  
That voice fully woke me up and I quickly got up from what I realized wasn’t really my pillow, but instead Aki’s lap.  
“AKI?!?!?!?!? HOW DID YOU GET INTO MY HOUSE!?!? WHY ARE YOU HERE?!?!”  
Aki laughed, and waved her arms.  
“I didn’t break in, but I was worried when you didn’t show up to class, despite it being the beginning of the year, so I asked our homeroom teacher to tell me where you lived so I could come and see you. When I explained the situation to the landlady she opened the door for me.”  
So much for my privacy.  
I guess I’m lucky it was Aki and not some weird murdurer.  
“I was really worried when I walked in and found you collapsed on the floor naked! I thought something had happened to you!”  
This morning’s events started coming back to me, and my face started to burn bright red.  
“I’m sorry you had to see that, and thanks for staying with me.”  
I gripped Aki’s shirt, as if I were afraid that she would disappear as soon as we weren’t physically touching.  
She smiled at me, and said those lines that I thought existed only inside the pages of manga books.  
“It’s okay, we’re best friends after all.”  
I don’t really understand myself how I’ve managed to attach myself so much to someone that around 48 hours was no more than a stranger, but just being able to hear those words made me feel as if we’ve always been together, as if it was natural for her to be with me.  
“Un!”  
I nodded, and hung my arms around her neck.  
I then suddenly reached the realization that I was wearing a set of cute pajamas I’d bought myself as a joke, since they didn’t suit me at all.  
I looked back at Aki.  
“Aki, did you dress me?”  
Aki looked at me as if there was nothing weird about the fact that she did, as if it were to be expected.  
“Of course, you could catch a cold if I left you like that.”  
My blood was probably tired of having to flood my face by now.  
“That aside, Aki… Why did you put these on me?”  
She smiled at that question, as if she was very proud of herself.  
“Well, I saw you had a set of pajamas on your bed, but when I was looking around the room waiting for you to wake up, I realized you had these very cute ones, so I decided to change you into these instead, since they looked so cute on you!”  
She smiled as if she had just solved world hunger.  
“You don’t think they look weird on me?”  
She looked at me confused, and said very matter of factly  
“Not at all, as soon as I saw them I knew they would suit you amazingly!”  
She is quite skilled at catching me off guard.  
I wonder why she goes out of her way to be so nice to me, even as to lie, and say that I look cute.  
She really is weird.  
I looked at my watch and saw the time.  
3:30 pm  
I must have been very tired to have slept for this long.  
I turned to look at Aki.  
“You must be very skilled at dressing other people to have done it this fast.”  
She laughed and shook her head.  
“I actually got here a couple of hours ago. I left school early since I didn’t know if you had anyone to take care of you if you were sick.”  
I started to wonder if my body would be okay with the amount of blood that my face decided to take from every other organ in my body.  
“Thank you.”  
She smiled and patted my head.  
“It’s okay, I’ll do it as many times as it takes.”  
She appeared to remember something and moved me a little, so that I was facing her.  
“Hana, by the way, I found this notebook when I was getting you dressed. It was on your desk, and when I picked it up I noticed there were two other boxes full of them. When I opened them I noticed they were full of sheet music, and it appears to be handwritten. Did you write them?”  
My heart sank.  
I didn’t reply.  
Aki seemed to get the message, and soon after started speaking again.  
“Sorry, I shouldn’t have looked without permission. Forget I asked.”  
She flashed me her signature smile.  
“I’m sorry”  
I said it in a voice so low, that I wasn’t even sure it had left my throat.  
Aki shook her head, as if to reassure me that she didn’t mind.  
“It’s okay, it was my bad in the first place, I shouldn’t have been looking at your stuff without permission in the first place. “  
Why?  
“Why?”  
I only noticed those words had left my mouth when I looked at Aki’s face.  
I felt the need to clarify.  
“Sorry, I just meant it as a kind of ‘Why are you being so nice to me despite the fact that you barely even know me?’.”  
She looked at me sadly.  
“You’re always doing that, putting yourself down, and talking like you don’t deserve to have kindness expressed towards you.”  
I looked away, I didn’t want Aki to pity me.  
I put on the best smile I could fake.  
“Sorry, never mind. It 's nothing. Do you want to eat something? I can cook something for you. It’s the least I could you, since you came all the way here.”  
Aki looked at me, almost as if she was angry.  
She suddenly stood up, and pinned me on the floor.  
“Hana, just because we haven’t been friends for long, doesn’t mean that I can’t tell when your smile isn’t genuine.”  
I couldn’t speak, it was as if every bit of strength I had to refute her statement had flown away.  
I started crying.  
It was the second time that Aki had gotten me to cry, despite the fact that it hadn’t happened for years before I met her.  
She held me tightly whilst I cried, but at the same time, there was a care with the way she touched me, as if I were something really fragile, that could break at any moment.  
Before I realized it, it was nighttime.  
I managed to gather the will power to separate myself from Aki’s warmth, and turned to look at her.  
“Sorry, thanks for not running away.”  
She looked at me as if I’d just told her a silly not funny joke.  
“I’ll stick with you always. No matter what.”  
I hugged her one last time before changing clothes and walking with her to the station.  
“See you tomorrow, don’t sleep in.”  
Those lines still seemed somewhat unreal to hear.  
To think that there would be someone out there who would be willing to be my friend.  
I reached out to touch her face, as if to confirm if she did in fact truly exist.  
She grabbed my hand in mid air and moved it to her face.  
Her skin was so smooth that it felt like I was touching some unknown material.  
She laughed and woke me from my trance.  
“I’ve gotta go. Don’t worry we’ll see each other tomorrow.”  
I nodded, realizing my unusual behaviour.  
After waving again, I walked back to my house, my head full of music once again.  
It was as if I’d been overtaken, it was a feeling I’d never had before.  
As soon as I stepped through the door I started putting it into paper, it was flowing out of me, as if it was using me as a medium to be able to come into existence.  
I wrote into the morning again, but the cold shower seemed to work better today, than the day before.  
Maybe because of the fact that I’d had actual food with me, unlike yesterday.  
I put on my uniform, and made my way to school.  
Since I always leave my apartment at around 5:00 am, there aren’t a lot of people outside, as I make my way to the music store.  
I walked in and bowed my head to Kuriyama-san.  
“Mornin’ Mochizuki-chan! Here to work early in the morning?”  
I scratched my head embarrassed whilst shaking my head.  
“I actually wanted to ask you if you had another notebook for me, the one I bought the other day is already full.”  
He looked at me surprised for a moment before smiling.  
I could’ve sworn I saw him mouth ‘that’s a new record’ before turning to the pile of notebooks next to him.  
“Your fingers must've been on fire with all that writing! I hope you weren’t skipping school to write.”  
I laughed to hide my embarrassment.  
I couldn’t exactly tell him that I’d written until I passed out, and woken up until the school day had already ended.  
“I haven’t got one ready yet, but if you wait a bit I think I could have it ready before it’s time for you to go to school.”  
I bowed my head again, and walked towards the couple of tables the store had available.  
I ordered a cup of coffee from the counter opposite from Kuriyama-san’s, since the store had recently partnered up with that fancy coffee chain everyone always talks about.  
It looked like it had been made by a six year old, on the day their parents left the door to the pantry unlocked.  
Pure sugar.  
Just how I like it.  
I don’t have them often, but every couple of months I allow myself to come here and have one while I write.  
After a little over an hour I heard Kuriyama-san calling me with the notebook.  
“Here you go, try to make it last a bit more than a day, so I can be ready next time.”  
He joked, whilst handing it over to me.  
I laughed, and gave him the 400 yen for a rush order.  
After I thanked him I made my way to school.  
Since it was still a bit less than two hours before class started I made my way to the music room.  
Since it was silent I assumed it was empty, but when I opened the door I saw Aki setting her bag next to the piano.  
She looked at me with her usual beautiful smile.  
“Hana! I didn’t expect to see you so early again.”  
She started to walk over to me, with something in her hand.  
“When I got home yesterday i noticed this paper was in my bag, so I thought you’d out it there.”  
I couldn’t speak.  
I saw the music score Aki was holding.  
It must have gotten mixed up with her stuff when she left.  
This is why I don’t regularly use loose paper to write.  
When Aki saw my reaction I guess she realized that I really didn’t want others to see it.  
“Ah, sorry. I really didn’t mean to take it. It’s really good though, I can tell just looking at it. Can you let me play it? I would really like to hear the sound you created.”  
I didn’t know what to do.  
However the voice inside my head yelling ‘NO NO ONE CAN PLAY THAT! IF THEY DO THEY’LL HATE YOU AGAIN!’ was way too overpowering.  
I shook my head.  
“I’m sorry, but I really don’t think that’s a good idea.”  
She waved her hands.  
“It’s okay, if you really don’t want to then you don’t have to. I know you probably have your reasons.”  
I nodded, unable to meet her eyes.  
She went over to my house yesterday, just to take care of me.  
She picked me up from the floor.  
She put clothes on me.  
I turned around.  
“I’m sorry I have to go to the bathroom.”  
I didn’t wait for an answer.  
I poured what felt like buckets of water on my face.  
Whatever it took to erase that voice from my mind.  
I’m pathetic.  
I dried myself as much as possible, and walked to the classroom.  
It was still quite a long time until class started, but I didn’t really want to go to the music room.  
I didn’t want Aki to think I was too selfish, and for her to decide that she didn’t want to be my friend anymore.  
I ended up falling asleep on my desk.  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING! WHAT ARE YOU WRITING! I’VE TOLD YOU THAT YOU CAN’T DO THAT! DO YOU WANT TO MAKE YOUR MOTHER CRY AGAIN? I BET YOU FATHER IS CRYING FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE, CRYING THAT HIS DAUGHTER IS A USELESS IDIOT! JUST LIKE HIM!”  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Even though it felt like I barely closed my eyes for a second, when I opened them again, people were flooding the classroom.  
I looked over and saw Aki with her friends at her desk.  
Since I didn’t want her to notice my stairning, I looked out the window, waiting for the teacher to arrive.  
The day was as uneventful as ever.  
Well that was kind of my fault since, despite the fact that I had decided that I would make friends in high school, I hadn’t really talked to anyone other than Aki.  
I got up, ready to go home, when I realized I had promised to join the music club.  
Even if I was afraid to see Aki, it wasn’t fair of me to ignore my promise with her.  
I managed to drag myself to the clubroom.  
When I realized I was the first one there I was strangely relieved, as if Aki wasn’t going to come at all.  
I sat at the piano.  
It’s been a long time since the last time I did that.  
It felt a lot smaller than it used to.  
It used to feel so intimidating, as if it would swallow me whole if I didn’t play close enough attention to it, or made a mistake.  
Just as the keys were beckoning my fingers over, I heard the door.  
“Hana! You’re here! I thought I’d made you mad, and you weren’t coming!”  
I didn’t really know what to say, so I just stood from the piano, and shook my head.  
“Well, I’m glad you came, I like spending time with you.”  
She showed me the smile I liked so much.  
It made me feel weird, i didn’t know there was a face that could be so calming in the world.  
“I really like spending time with you too you know..”  
She smiled and hugged me tight.  
Her smell enveloped my whole body, giving me a sense of safety like none other I’d experienced before.  
I hugged her back.  
It’s curious how a person could create music just by existing.  
It felt like the music I was writing wasn’t my own, as if it came from Aki, and I was just the person writing it down.  
Like a landscape painting, the beauty was already there, I was just showing my interpretation of it.  
She let me go.  
“Sorry, whenever I hug you something weird gets a hold of me, and I just find it hard to let go.”  
She smiled at my words.  
“It’s okay, I don’t mind. We’re best friends after all.”  
I liked hearing her say that, that she cares about me.  
It made me feel some weird sense of superiority over all the other girls she’s friends with.  
Not in a weird way, It’s not like I thought I was better in any way than them, quite the opposite actually, it was just nice to be important to someone.  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
During the following year, I became closer to Aki, to the point that she came over to my house pretty much every day.  
My writing was starting to get out of control though.  
After I said goodbye to her at the station I would be consumed by an impossibly strong urge to write.  
I felt that I would die if I didn’t manage to get it out of me, as if it was trying to claw its way out of my brain.  
I didn’t really manage to make other friends this year, but I hadn’t really given up yet.  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
I woke up on my bed for a change.  
It appears I only made it part of the way though, since I hadn’t taken the covers off the bed.  
I took a quick shower to wash off the sweat, and walked to school.  
I had started buying my notebooks in bulk, that way Kuriyama-san didn’t have to make one every two or three days.  
I had gotten my order not too long ago, so it was still about a month before I had to replace them again.  
I decided to go straight to the music room once I got to school.  
Even though we’d seen each other less than a day ago, for some reason I really wanted to see her.  
Once I got to the clubroom, it was empty.  
I made my way to the piano, as I often did.  
Despite the fact that I wasn’t really planning to play it.  
It was just a sort of ritual I had when there was no one else in the room.  
I sat down, when suddenly the door opened.  
I looked over excitedly hoping to see Aki there, but there was instead some upperclassman I don’t think I’ve met before.  
I tried to hide my disappointment.  
“Can I help you?”  
He looked at me for a moment.  
“Are you recruiting members?”  
At first, for some reason i didn’t know what he meant, but because of the room I was standing in, it was pretty obvious he meant the music club.  
“I’d have to ask the president.”  
I didn’t really care much about the club, so if someone wanted to join, it didn’t seem fair for me to make the choice.  
“Oh… then, do you know when they’ll be back?”  
I looked at my watch, not that it’d do anything, since she didn’t come at set times.  
“I’m sorry, I don’t, but if you wait here, I’m sure she’ll show up sooner or later.”  
He smiled shyly, as if he wanted to convey something, but I didn’t really get it.  
“Then… I guess I’ll take you up on that.”  
I signaled over to a chair that was by the piano.  
He bowed slightly, and then walked over to it.  
I wasn’t really comfortable seating with someone I didn’t know all that well, so I just stayed by the door waiting for Aki to come back.  
The guy kept looking over to me every so often, so I could tell he was uncomfortable with the silence, and even though I wasn’t, it was getting on my nerves how he kept glancing at me over, and over, so I decided to start a conversation to pass the time.  
“So… why are you joining the music club now, of all times? The year will be over in just a couple of weeks, and it’s not like this club has any propper activities, the president just lets me listen to her play the piano whilst I kind of just laze around.”  
He giggled a bit, seemingly implying the something I’d said was funny in some way, though I didn’t actually get what was so amusing about it, but I waited for him to explain.  
“I know it’s kind of weird to say this to someone I’m meeting for the first time, but I’m kind of joining in in hopes to make friends. I actually have a strong interest in music, and I heard that this club is small, so I thought it would be a good place to start.”  
I nodded.  
I kind of understood the feeling of wanting to make friends, but I was kind of surprised that someone like him, who was willing to take the step to make it happen, didn’t already have a ton of friends.  
“I know! How about we become friends? I’m Serizawa, Serizawa Akira.”  
He said so with a friendly smile, in a very non threatening way, as if to make sure I wouldn’t be startled.  
I scratched my head.  
“I don’t really have a lot of friends, but if you want to I wouldn’t mind. I’m Hana, Mochizuki Hana.”  
He smiled, as if relieved I had accepted, though I can’t think of anyone that would say no to being friends with someone so earnestly trying their best.  
Just as I was gathering my resolve to walk over to the piano, I heard Aki walking in.  
“Mornin’ Hana!”  
She looked at me, and then noticed the unfamiliar face in the room.  
“Ehm… Nice to meet you? Are you Aki’s friend? Can I help you with anything?”  
He looked uncertain of how to respond.  
It’s true that we had just decided to become friends, but it’s still kind of weird when someone asks you outright.  
He looked at me for support, so I just sort of nodded, kind of in a way to let him know I wouldn’t deny it if he said we were.  
He looked satisfied with my contribution.  
“Uh, yeah. I’m here to join the music club, and Mochizuki-san, told me I should ask you.”  
She looked at me with a look I didn’t really understand, and then turned to look back at Akira-kun.  
“Well, if you’re Hana’s friend, then I don’t really have an issue with it.”  
She started to walk towards the piano.  
“But make sure that you submit the club application, I don’t want to get yelled at by Moriyama-sensei.”  
He stood up as if to leave, but Aki stopped him.  
“You don’t have to go right now. I mean, you’re Hana’s friend right? I’m sure you want to stay together.”  
She shot me another look I couldn’t quite understand before sitting down on the piano.  
I wonder if I did something to upset her.  
“Don’t mind me, I’ll just be playing, you can do whatever you want.”  
Something was definitely wrong.  
Maybe she woke up with a stomach ache or something.  
“Aki…”  
Before I could ask her what was wrong, Akira-kun got up, and made his way to the door, seemingly rushed by something.  
“No, it 's okay. I think it’s better if I get started on that form right away, so that I don’t forget. Thank you very much. I hope we’ll keep getting along.”  
As he was leaving he shot me a look and pointed over at Aki, but I’m not sure what he was trying to tell me.  
Once he was gone, I walked over to the chair next to the piano, so I could stay closer to Aki, but as soon as I sat down she stopped playing.  
“Is he your boyfriend or something?”  
I didn’t know how to react.  
Was she mad about something?  
Why would he be my boyfriend?  
Hasn’t she noticed I have never hung out with him before?  
I shook my head.  
“What’s wrong Aki? You’ve been acting a little weird today.”  
She shook her head and brought her hand to her face.  
“It 's nothing. I just thought that this was the place where we could be together, just the two of us, and I don’t want someone else to ruin it.”  
I was a bit confused.  
“What do you mean? I don’t think Akira-kun wants to ruin our time together, he just wants to join the music club.”  
She laughed.  
“Never mind. It’s fine, I didn’t mean to say he was a bad person, and I’m glad to see you getting along with other people. I just don’t want him to take you away from me.”  
As she said that, her hand reached for my cheek.  
She caressed me softly, making me feel like the most important person in the world.  
I wonder what this feeling is called.  
I closed my eyes.  
Suddenly the warmth disappeared from my cheek, and the piano started playing.  
Ahh.  
I love this sound.  
It 's Aki 's sound.  
I didn’t know it was possible to like something so much.  
The bell interrupted my line of thought forcing us to leave the room and walk to class.  
I wish Aki could sit closer to me.  
I realized that during the whole break, my eyes would end up falling on Aki.  
As if she was somehow magnetic, and my eyes were being pulled in by her.  
When class ended I walked with Aki to the club, and found Akira-kun already waiting in the clubroom.  
“Yo, I submitted my form, so I guess that makes us fellow club members!”  
He showed us a smile that you’d expect from someone who has just been informed of a high placing in a competition.  
When I turned to look at Aki, for some reason the animosity she showed this morning had disappeared.  
Akira-kun turned to look at me and showed me a thumbs up.  
I didn’t really know why, but I returned it anyway.  
Club was really lively, it was fun being around other people, and since Aki was with me, it wasn’t scary at all.  
Akira-kun and Aki seemed to be getting along quite well, which made me really happy.  
I was afraid it would be awkward if they ended up not liking each other.  
Just like that, it went without a hitch.  
As soon as it was time to go home, Akira-kun looked at his watch.  
“Oh sorry, I have work soon, so I’ll be leaving first.”  
He bowed slightly and left the room in a hurry.  
“It’s impressive, isn’t it. I didn’t know he played the violin. I can’t wait to hear what it sounds like.”  
Hearing Aki say that made me glad Akira-kun joined the club.  
Maybe we could all become good friends.  
Even still, I want to stay as Aki’s number one forever.  
Having friends sure is stressful.  
Aki started walking out of the clubroom, but I grabbed her hand.  
“Aki…”  
She looked at me with those kind eyes she always shows me when it’s just the two of us.  
“What 's wrong?”  
I shook my head.  
“I was just wondering if you could stay with me today.”  
She smiled.  
The kind of smile a big sister gives to her little sister when she’s being selfish.  
“You know you don’t have to ask. I’ll be with you whenever you want.”  
I grabbed on to her a little tighter.  
We didn’t really talk about anything important on the way.  
I was just really happy she was next to me.  
It felt like we reached my house in less than a second.  
I wish this time could last a little bit longer.  
Having fun with my best friend sure is the best feeling in the world.  
We got inside, and I got Aki’s change of clothes from the pile she’d left with me.  
“Thanks.”  
She giggled as I handed over to her.  
“It feels like we live together.”  
For some reason the idea made me really happy.  
I guess it’s to be expected that living with your best friend would be so much fun.  
As soon as we got changed Aki headed to the kitchen.  
“I’ll make something, so sit tight.”  
I smiled  
“Oooo, You’re cooking me something! I’m looking forward to it!”  
She laughed as if I was saying something unreasonable.  
“Yeah, yeah.”  
I took out my notebook and started making some adjustments to the songs I had already written.  
It’s kind of embarrassing looking back on my older works.  
It’s as if I had no idea how I should structure anything.  
Well I guess that’s not completely untrue.  
I wonder what they would sound like if they were played.  
I mean I had a general idea.  
I wouldn’t be able to write them if I didn’t, but I didn’t really know how it would sound exactly.  
I guess I must’ve been concentrating really hard, because I didn't notice Aki’s face next to mine.  
“Hana, you’re always writing those. You must really like the piano.”  
I shook my head.  
“I don’t play.”  
She laughed playfully.  
“That’s not what I meant, I mean you must like listening to it. I mean, if you’re willing to work so hard to make songs for it you must like it quite a lot.”  
I stayed silent for a moment.  
“I only like it when you play it.”  
She looked at me with a surprised face, but then her expression softened.  
“Then… how about you let me play one of yours?”  
I froze.  
“I know you don’t like talking about it, but I’d be happy if you could rely on me regarding the things that bother you. Who knows, it might even make you feel better to let it all out.”  
I reached for her face.  
I put my arms around her neck, half to calm myself, half because I needed to confirm she actually existed.  
“You promise you won’t run away?”  
Since I couldn’t see her face in my position, she patted my back as confirmation.  
“I promise. I’ll always be with you Hana, always.”  
I nodded. 

“My dad was a musician, a very good one at that. Everyone who heard his music was enamoured by it. He even met my mother because of their shared love of music. They were at a record store, and they ended up talking for hours. The store even had to kick them out. They exchanged contact information, and I guess it built up from there. It was going well for them, it did for quite a while, until some drunk fan ambushed my dad on the way back from a concert, and killed him. I don’t think my mom ever managed to get over it. I was still very young so I don’t really remember, but in my mom’s eyes it was as if music had killed him. ‘If he wasn’t famous, there was no way that would have happened’, I guess she thought something along those lines.  
She ended up putting a ban on music. I, however, loved music, ever since I was young. It was the only way I felt I could connect with my dad. I would sneak out of my house and listen to the records they had from him every day. It wasn’t long until I started writing my own songs. At first, I did it with the intention of playing them myself, but there was no way my mother would ever allow that, so I ended up keeping it quiet. The man at the front desk of a music store would secretly give me the notebooks to write, under the promise I would pay for them when I was older. You have no idea the look on my mother’s face when she found out.  
It was as if she’d been betrayed. She refused to meet my eyes for weeks, and I could hear her crying inside her room at night.  
I tried to stop, but I just couldn’t, it was as if the music needed to come into existence, and was using me to do so. She would often get violent and destroy the papers in which I wrote the music while loudly yelling at me that music was nothing but a child’s dream. It didn’t exactly help that all the people in my family sided with her. They told me every day that what I was doing was nothing more than a childish way to hurt my mother.  
It wasn’t long until I had to leave. No one was surprised. I’m pretty sure they were relieved they wouldn’t have to see me again. They still send me money, so I guess they still recognise me as somehow their responsibility, but I haven’t spoken to them in who knows how long.  
I still love music. Your piano especially, has the most beautiful sound I’ve ever heard. I just can never bring myself to play it myself. It feels like if I did, I’d be betraying my mother, and hurting her more than I already have.  
That kind of went for longer than I expected, hahaha.  
Sorry, did I bore you?”  
Aki stayed silent for a moment, and that might have been the scariest couple of seconds I’ve ever lived through.  
The thought of her just never talking to me again, or starting to hate me, were more than I could bear.  
She pulled my body so that it was completely touching her’s.  
An overwhelming feeling of safety filled my whole body.  
“It 's okay Hana. Music is beautiful, and you’re allowed to think so. What happened to your father was a terrible accident, and I can understand the effect it had in your mother. Don’t worry Hana, music won’t hurt you, and your mother can’t do anything to you. I’m here. I know it may be a bit hard, but don’t think you should be so worried about your mother. I definitely understand that you love her, and that you don’t want to be a problem to her. I just think that it’s important to take care of yourself, and allow yourself to enjoy the things you love, even if it’s not something others agree with. I’m sorry if I sound a little patronizing, but I really want you to be happy Hana.”  
I grabbed on to her, tighter that I had before, to the point that there wasn’t any distance between us at all.  
“Do you think she’ll forgive me?”  
Aki shook her head.  
“I don’t think she truly resents you. I think the loss of someone so important to her had a bigger effect on her than I could properly convey. I think that she hasn't been able to truly let go, and most important of all, I think she’s afraid something will happen to you if you happen to follow in your father’s footsteps.”  
I wonder how she manages to always find the words to make my heart so much lighter.  
She seemed to be exceptionally skilled at making me cry.  
I cried on top of her for what felt like hours.  
The moment I lifted my face from her shoulder she met my eyes with her beautiful comforting smile.  
“How can you be so wise, despite us being the same age? It feels like you always know the answer to everything.”  
She giggled a bit to my honest question.  
“I’m really not. It’s just that I happened to have had a very good teacher. He has given me more than I would ever be able to repay him for.”  
I reached for her face.  
She gently took my hand in hers before putting her on her face.  
“Would you tell me about it?”  
She shrugged.  
“Sure, but I have to warn you it isn’t half as impactful as yours was”  
I frowned.  
“Don’t make light of your situation, just because you don’t think it matches up to other people’s problems.”  
She laughed whilst wrapping me in her arms again.  
“No, no, I’m not, it’s just that I don’t want you to think I’m complaining.”  
I nuzzled her neck, and signaled her to continue.  
“When I was young my mother ran out on my dad and me. I don’t really resent her, my dad was a good for nothing drunk, and our financial situation wasn’t really good either. I didn’t really like going home, ‘cause everytime I did, I would find my dad collapsed on the floor, covered in either vomit or urine, so I would go over to a little Jazz Cafe on the street next to ours. The master over there, Shibazaki Haruki, was always really nice to me, so it’s not like I was really ever sad or lonely. Whenever there were few customers he would teach me how to play the piano. It was amazing. It was like a whole new world was opened up before me, it felt like the thing that had been missing from my life had always been music. Not long after I started to play there was a fire in my apartment complex, and my father passed away. Master took me in, and taught me to use the piano to express my feelings constructively.  
That’s kind of it, I had a very happy life, and don’t really resent my mother or father. It was their actions that allowed me to discover music after all.”  
I kissed her neck softly,  
I’m not sure why I did it, but it just couldn’t contain myself.  
It felt like I had to.  
It felt like she was going to break if I didn’t hold her.  
It might’ve been a weird experience for her, being held by someone smaller than her.  
She’s normally the one who holds me, but I was really happy to be able to be of some use to Aki, even if it was in a small way.  
I felt something wet on my cheek, so I looked up.  
Aki was crying.  
It was the first time I had ever seen her cry.  
I felt a little bad, but all I could think was how beautiful she looked.  
I touched her cheek gently.  
She smiled at me.  
I don’t think either of us wanted to let go of the other that night, we stayed together, and fell asleep before long. 

The next morning I walked with Aki to school, at the time we always did.  
We got to the clubroom and then Aki asked me a question I hadn’t really thought about.  
“Ne, Hana, do you think you could let me play some of your music?”  
I was kind of surprised at how okay I was with the idea, despite the fact that just a couple of hours ago I wouldn’t have even considered it.  
I nodded.  
I took out the notebook I was currently filling.  
I sat next to Aki on the piano, and heard her play.  
It felt like the whole universe had melted away, and it was only the two of us in the world.  
I had never really heard my music out loud before.  
It was a really weird feeling. I knew it was mine, I recognized every note, but the way Aki played it, I don’t think I could describe it properly just using words.  
I guess one way to describe it could be: ‘I felt like she was playing me’.  
Before I realized it, the bell rang, and weirdly enough there had been no signs of Akira-kun, at all today.  
I wonder if he had a cold.  
During lunch break, something that I had never experienced before happened to me.  
A classmate tapped my shoulder to get my attention, and spoke.  
“Mochizuki-san, Serizawa-kun from class 1 is looking for you.”  
I looked over at the door and saw Akira-kun standing over there with his store bought lunch.  
I thanked my classmate, and walked over to where Akira-kun was.  
“Hey, this is rare. What can I do for you? I thought you weren’t here today.”  
He laughed awkwardly before looking around.  
“Hana-san, do you have a moment? I don’t think this is the best place to talk.”  
I didn’t really get what he meant, but decided to go along with it.  
“Sure, I’m free.”  
We walked over to the club building.  
There weren’t a lot of people there, since most people didn’t have any reason to visit it during the day.  
Akira-kun sat down and I followed suit.  
“Hana-san, you should have told me you were dating Hayasaki-san! I didn’t know I was being a third wheel by joining the club!”  
It took me a moment to process what he was saying.  
My face suddenly turned the bright shade of red, it seemed to have forgotten since I got a little more used to being next to Aki.  
“Wha-wha-wha-what are you talking about?!?!? I’m not dating Aki!”  
The look on his face was half surprised, half unconvinced.  
“What are you talking about? When I walked into the clubroom this morning with my violin, the atmosphere was definitely that of two lovers. The look on both of your eyes too. That is not something that can be faked.”  
I shook my head quickly.  
“No, no, no. I mean, I love Aki, but it’s not like that.”  
Akira-kun laughed skeptically.  
“Ah, I see. So it’s like that.”  
I tilted my head to show I didn’t really get what he meant.  
“Ne Hana-san, answer me this. When you’re with Hayasaka-san, does your heart beat faster? Do you feel at ease, just by being able to be next to be next to her? Do you sometimes wish you could be together forever and have her all to yourself? Do you perhaps ever think about how she’s the only person you feel you truly need? Do you feel like she completes you in a way you thought impossible before?”  
I nodded.  
“I mean yeah. She’s my best friend, of course I do.”  
He looked at me the way a big brother looks at his sister when she asks a very obvious question.  
“That’s love Hana-san.”  
I covered my mouth.  
“I… I was in love with Aki?”  
Akira-kun nodded.  
“I think you should tell her. Something like this is better left in the open.”  
I shook my head.  
“Thank you Akira-kun, but Aki is the one person in my life I can’t afford to lose. I won’t make the mistake of letting my feelings get the better of me. I’ll do my best to stay by Aki’s side, I don’t really need anything else.”  
As I stood and walked away I heard Akira-kun say something I couldn’t quite make out, and returned to the classroom.  
Akira-kun’s words kept poking at me, and I couldn’t concentrate at all.  
The strange part was that despite the fact that I was so distracted, music was flowing out of me.  
I tried to calm down but I couldn’t.  
I had to excuse myself from class and spent the rest of the day in the library writing. 

The next couple of weeks went by in a similar fashion.  
I couldn’t really bring myself to stay in class, but since my grades were good the professors didn’t really bother me.  
I kept giving Aki the new stuff I was writing.  
It felt a lot better than giving her my old stuff.  
I wanted her to properly feel the me of right now.  
I couldn’t really bring myself to write the violin parts for Akira-kun, but he said he didn’t mind.  
He would always practice some very nice pieces, but the beauty of his playing didn’t hold a candle to Aki’s.  
Before we knew it, school had ended. 

I woke up to the sound of the doorbell.  
I was at my desk.  
I guess I must have fallen asleep whilst writing again.  
I walked to the door and opened it.  
Aki was on the other side, wearing what must be the most beautiful blue one-piece dress to have ever been produced.  
Or maybe it just looked that way since it was Aki wearing it.  
She smiled at me.  
And I noticed I was just staring at her.  
I moved from the door to let her in.  
“Thank you.”  
She giggled.  
I scratched my head embarrassed.  
“Sorry, I guess I’m still asleep.”  
She smiled and touched my cheek with her hand.  
“You shouldn’t over do it so much. I worry about you, you know.”  
She pouted.  
I laughed.  
That was very cute.  
Her expression suddenly changed.  
“Ne Hana, do you think we could talk?”  
I tilted my head.  
“Sure, I mean, you know you can talk to me about anything.”  
She smiled, but her smile seemed to have a lot more behind it.  
“It’s about your music.”  
I froze.  
Did she not like it?  
Did she not want to play it anymore?  
I looked up at her eyes.  
She was looking downwards into mine.  
“Hana, do you perhaps have someone you like?”  
That caught me off guard.  
“What do you mean?”  
She looked away from my eyes.  
I could tell she was blushing a bit.  
“I mean, ever since Serizawa-kun came looking for you a couple of weeks ago, your music has been very ‘A maiden in love’...”  
My whole face turned the colour of the sun.  
I moved a bit closer to Aki.  
“What would you do if I said I did.”  
Aki froze.  
It looked like she was trying to hold something back, but then she turned back to face.  
“I… I don’t think I would like that…”  
I moved closer.  
The moment she turned to face me, our faces were almost touching.  
“No matter who it is.”  
She seemed to forget how to breathe.  
“There’s only one answer I would like…”  
She moved closer so our noses were touching.  
I moved my hands to caress her cheeks.  
“That’s the right answer.”  
I moved my lips to meet hers. 

The End.


End file.
